It Is Well.

It's nearly 1 am on a friday morning, and in just a few hours I will be arising for an 8 am class, so why am I still up? Because in the course of just two hours, I received two text messages that sent my world upside down. Yesterday, thursday was a good day and thursday evening was a good night, yet things suddenly took a turn when I got a text from my dad telling me to call him, so I did just that. My mom has been at charter Lakeside this past week for a medication evaluation due to aggressive behavior and she is going to be released today. However, the nursing home we had placed her in would not be readmitting her, which places my dad in a bind since she is unable to come home because of the extent of her alzheimer's.

Second, I learned that a young girl in the church I work at, who has had cancer for quite some time passed away this evening. Her two older brothers are in my youth group, and it hurts me to think of what they are going through.

In light of all this, how do I keep on? How do I persevere when my world seems to be falling apart? I can't. On my own, it is impossible. My mom is asleep in a hospital bed and will probably never walk again, and a family; indeed, an entire town I work with is grieving the loss of a sweet little girl to a cruel disease. I am overwhelmed by the heartbreak, but I do have comfort. That comfort is God. My world continues to be shaken, but God is in control and I can say with full confidence that it is well with my soul.

It is well has always been one of my favorite hymns, because I know what it's like when the only thing that it is well with is my soul. Those moments that life just seems to stop because of the grief, those time when all I want to do is cry, cry, and cry some more, it is well with my soul. God's word promises tough times in this life, but also guarantees that for those who trust in Christ and delight in the Lord, we have an eternal hope. This world of pain, this place of suffering, and this land of heartache is temporary, and one day all this anguish will be gone for those of us who are Christians. Check out what it says in Revelation 21:3-4:

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore fo thr former things have passed away." -Revelation 21:3-4 ESV

When I read these verses, I'm reminded that one day all will be made new, and this anguish I'm going through now will be no more. The things that come between my Heavenly Father and I will be removed, and my joy shall be never end. That is why I can say: It Is well With My Soul!!

Truly Blessed,

Matt

(Numbers 6:24-26)

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,   when sorrows like sea billows roll;   whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,   It is well, it is well with my soul.  Refrain:  It is well with my soul,   it is well, it is well with my soul.   2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,   let this blest assurance control,   that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,   and hath shed his own blood for my soul.   (Refrain)   3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!   My sin, not in part but the whole,   is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,   praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!   (Refrain)   4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,   the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;   the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,  

even so, it is well with my soul

Strength in Weakness

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV

These verses have always been among my favorites in the whole of scripture, but now as I write this, these words are sustaining me. I'm sitting in a Starbuck's about 30 minutes from home just before 10 p.m. CST. About five miles from where I sit, my mom is laying in a hospital bed waiting to be moved to a nursing home. My father sits with his beloved bride to keep her company. For those of you who don't know, my mom was diagnosed with early onset alzhimer's disease in July 2008. The diagnosis was expected, but left my family reeling. Fast forward to this summer, the summer of 2011. Now, my mom needs constant attention, which places a huge burden on my family and I. But with God, we have made it ok. But suddenly, last thursday my mom suffered a small stroke. Long story short, my mom has reached the point where she needs constant help from trained professionals. In one day, my neat little world was turned upside down. On saturday, my dad and I discussed the future for mom.

After a few minutes, we both agreed that mom would need to be placed in a facility. At that point, my father and I felt the need to pray, so we did. My Godly father knelt on the living room floor and we both prayed. I went first, then my dad began to pray. Almost instantly, years of silent suffering escaped in the form of sobs. For the first time in 5 years, I was crying. I was crying tears that I had suppressed for too long. I had wanted to cry at times, but had been unable. The verses in 2 Corinthians came to mind, and I felt God's peace as I realized my utter weakness. Since then, God has constantly reminded me of my desperate need for Him.

My comfort zone lies in ruins, my "everything is good" bubble is shattered. But God is God, and as His word promises, His strength is made perfect in weakness. In my 20 years of living, God has always done what he promises in Scripture. At this point in my life, I'm learning how to depend on God, and how to rely on him for everything.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Matt.

(Numbers 6:24-26)

Steadfast

"But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him..."
-Psalm 103:17a (ESV)

Steadfast. In my personal reading of the Bible recently, this one word has stood out to me.
Steadfast. Normally, when I read the bible it's not single words that stand out to me, but entire phrases, sentences, verses, and passages; rarely is it single words that leap off the page and draw my focus to the epicness of God. Yet, recently this one word has screamed at me from the pages, reaching not just my knowledge filled head, but going deeper, stabbing into the emotion filled heart. In the ESV, steadfast occurs a total of 4 times in 22 verses. when a word is repeated, it is an essential word worth paying attention to. For me personally, this word has stood out because of what it means. According to Webster's Collegiate dictionary, 11th edition, steadfast is an adjective that, in this context means:

a. Firmly fixed in place: immovable.
b. not subject to change.

The reason steadfast has stood out to me? In Psalm 103, steadfast always precedes the word love.
Think about the implications of this. Since God's love is steadfast, God's love is a love that is: (as I write this, my heart is dancing inside of me! :D) IMMOVABLE.
I know I wrote that definition in all caps, but the amazingness of what that means is almost impossible for me to express. God's love is immovable, it can't be budged. And for a sinner like me, that is an incredibly comforting thought. The second definition of steadfast is equally epic. Because God's love is steadfast, it is not subject to change. Think about that for just a minute. When I run away from God, his love is not subject to change, when I do what I know I should not do and seek to satisfy the flesh and the old sinful nature His love for me (and you!) never changes. My love for God is not steadfast, I fall, I trip, I stumble, and I flat-out reject God sometimes. But God's love for me is not like my love for Him, as his love is immovable, and not subject to change. I never cease to be amazed by all the things I find in those moments of reading the bible, the things that cause my heart to rejoice in the majesty of my God. It is comforting to know that my God does not love me the way I love him. My life isn't always an easy one, but I have the steadfast love of God to sustain me on the way. That is a fact that causes my heart to dance, so I can say with the Psalmist:

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, all that is within me bless the his holy name!"
-Psalm 103:1 (ESV)

Truly Blessed,
Matt
(Numbers 6:24-26)

Do what you love, it makes following God simpler.

We all have one thing we really enjoy. For some, it is art and the many manifestations of creativity that come from within. Others get their thrills from the sciences, still others delight in language and the way it is used. Some relish being outdoors and working with their hands. Every single one of us has a passion that God has placed in us so that we can delight in His majesty by doing what it is we love to do. He gives us that gift, that longing to draw us to him! This concept is not new to me, but tonight God hit me with a hammer that knocked my pre-conceived notions off their seat. You see, I have often wondered what my passion was. Tonight through some wonderful conversation, God reminded me of what it is that I love. My passion, the subject that is not an academic subject but rather a hobby to me personally is history. From the time I was little I had a thirst for history. I was the guy who went to the library and most often headed to the history section first. Countless times I staggered out of one of the branches of the Memphis library system with a stack of thick books that most people would find dry and dull. Me? I devoured them the way that most Memphians devour bar-b-q. But as I entered college, I was certain that God wanted me to be a christian studies major, go to seminary, and work as a pastor/church planter. I felt it was my obligation to ignore my love of history and focus on preparing for vocational ministry. I had long ago put aside and stifled my enjoyment of the study of the past, yet over the past couple of months my relationship with God has felt smothered. Why? for the longest time I had no idea. Now it seems clearer. I have turned my back on an worthy desire that God had given me in exchange for what I felt was obedience. I am praying about the next step, but I know God is in control and has a plan for my life. This does not necessarily mean that I am going to change majors, or even whatever semblance of a career path I may have had; but that I am simply going to seek God and his plan for my life. I want to obey him so that he is glorified in my life. John Piper once said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied on him, and tonight I realized that I have not been most satisfied in him, rather I have been seeking satisfaction in trying to earn God's favor by chasing after my self righteous desires. God rocks, and his love is always amazing me. I am blessed beyond measure by the people that God has placed in my life and am thankful for his presence that surrounds me.

Truly Blessed,
Matt
(Numbers 6:24-26)

True Love

I had planned to write a special post filled with mushy-gushy stuff for Valentine's day, and had even gone so far as to start on a post and save it as a draft. But, the events of yesterday morning changed that completely.

Yesterday morning, I was in a hurry to get to church. As I drove along the winding road, my car spun out of control. As the car careened into the gully on the side of the road, I felt an odd calm and peace. The silver saturn soon became stuck in the mud of the gully after bouncing down the slope, and the odd calm was soon replaced with the tremors and shakes of an adrenaline rush from such an ordeal. My first thought was that I was alive, my next thought was that even though I had been bouncing around in a car that was careening towards doom, I was miraculously unhurt. Trembling with energy from adrenaline I climbed up towards the road pondering my next move. Soon enough, a stranger had stopped and made a call to local wrecker service. As I waited, I marvelled at the fact that I was alive and unhurt. Now, a day later I still have felt no pain or soreness from my accident. I badly needed to be reminded of the fact that God is in control, and my wreck yesterday made the fact that life is short and uncertain quite clear. We make plans, we go through life day by day as if we have all the time in the world. Fact is, any second could be our last. I know God protected me from harm for a reason, it is amazing to me that after all the bumps, slides, and skids, I was not only alive but unhurt. Why? I don't know why. But I know that I have been given another oppurtunity. I am praying about some changes that I may need to make in my life. All I know is that God is great, and that after my accident and my miraculous escape that my life needs to honor Him. He is in control, I am not. He reigns, and in his infinite wisdom he has spared me from not just death, but also life-altering injuries. As I write this, I am humbled by God's greatness and my frailty. Funny thing is, I have been praying for God to do something to bring me back to Him and that he would remove the idols from my life. God answers prayer, sometimes in unexpected ways. Life is a gift, and it is uncertain. I have always claimed that life is good, but now more than ever I realize how precious it is. My car is wrecked, but I feel more alive than ever. I don't know where my journey is taking me, or if the road will be easy. But I know that God is in control and he has a purpose. And that is comforting. :) The best valentines day I have ever had was today, since God gave me the gift of another day to live here and glorify Him. He is to be praised, above all, for he is worthy above all other things.

Truly Blessed,
Matt
(Numbers 6:24-26)

A Muddy Monday Morning

I didn't want to get up this morning. At least not at 7:15 on a rainy, dreary morning to go to an 8 a.m. fitness class. Somehow I managed to get up and dressed for the long morning ahead of me. Books packed, hoodie zipped up, I opened the door with vain hopes that the rain had stopped. It had not, so I put on my hood and proceeded towards the gym for fitness testing. I managed to get to class in a mostly dry state as I pondered such deep things as where I was going to eat lunch. The fitness test was not to bad, and we were able to leave early, so I headed off to change for my 9 o' clock class. When I looked outside, I saw that the rain had changed to a mix of snow and rain leaving things in a muddy state. A glimmer of hope began to shine, maybe it would actually snow and classes would be cancelled.

Sure enough, at 10:00 I got a text saying campus was closing at 12. That small glimmer of hope soon burst into bliss over the fact that today would be a day free from classes and homework. I still had to go to my 11 o' clock world civilizations class, but I didn't mind since it meant getting to spend time walking in the snow as it fell. After class got out, I was free to eat lunch and then do whatever since my schedule was free. Upon returning to campus from a trip to wal-mart with some friends, my attention was immeadiately drawn to the snowball fight taking place in the quad. I could not resist the urge to join in, and soon I was running around the quad throwing snowballs, getting hit with snowballs, and slipping many times to the ground while attempting to do beastly things. The snowball fight lasted about an hour, and was followed by a fun game of apples to apples in the commons. Around 4 though, was the highlight of this amazing day.

On mondays at 4, a group of us get together to pray for each other and for the campus. Today's meeting was the first time we had met since December. To be honest, going into the prayer meeting I felt spiritually dry. I desperately needed God to show himself to me, I had been going through the motions for the past week or so without actually spending time with my wonderful Savior. My journey had become more of a sit back and relax, than a walk. In other words, I have been struggling with complacency. But the prayer group meeting? It did not take long for God to break down the door, tear off the ceiling, and rip the walls of that room away. As we shared together, God just kept reminding me of His awesomeness. It has been a long time since I have felt so rejuvanated by prayer, and I felt God's presence clearly for the first time in weeks. God overwhelmed my selfish pride, and reminded me that He loves me and wants a relationship with me so that He is glorified. Today is a great example of the fact that God takes what we see as crummy and make it beautiful. As I go on this journey called life, more and more I am amazed by God and what he has done for me, what he is doing for me, and what he will do for me.

As pretty as the snow is, I found myself drawn to another beauty today, the beauty of God's holiness. God rocks, prayer works, and worship matters.

Truly Blessed,

Matt

(Numbers 6:24-26)